I don’t know what to do. There are so many choices for my future that I am overwhelmed with the idea of deciding on one path. I want to leave Minnesota forever. I do not want to return. Yet there are those who are trying to convince me that my stay is needed, that I belong here. This is far from the truth, and no matter how much they try to persuade me with riches, women, the prospects of success, my exit is ultimately a truth.
These “episodes” I have are being considered psychotic. I’m not paranoid, because I can see it on their faces, in their eyes, I can see their motives. I know it’s too late to start again, otherwise I would have made it by now. What do they want from me? To stay here? in the cold? in isolation? in the shitty city of minneapolis? Why can’t I leave? I have to leave, otherwise I’ll be stuck here for another two years… and that idea scares me to death.
So he leaves. He leaves everything and everyone behind. If they cannot keep up with me, to bad, he thinks.
I have a recurring dream that I am a hostage to a powerful group, vicious, with the intent on torturing me. My feet are clamped to a device which is attached to the ceiling, I hang upside down. The goons torture me and I feel threatened for my life. Somehow I was lowered out of the clamp, saved by a group of leather-clad freedom fighters (or something like that). I turned on the water too high, and the room became flooded with water. It was difficult to turn the switch because I could not find it at first, the water was too muddy, and the grass that I had planted was free flowing everywhere, and I had to swim underneath – I had to miniaturize myself in order to find the switch and turn down the flow of water.
